Love, Joolz: Billionaire Press Release

All billionaires are trash.

Somehow, I love expressing myself through idiotic skits about Batman. Batman is as American as Apple Pie: he was created as a cheap copy of Zorro by a collaboration of two guys where one screwed over the other to collect all the money and credit. Of course Bob Kane was the less talented of the two, but Bill Finger died penniless because America! Batman himself has gone on to become the avatar of every edgelord ever. He's dark and brooding and victimized but also has billions of dollars and pulls more pussy than Cat Con. He is at once a tragic character and aspirational.

Emphasis on the Ass #IFYKYK

Anyway, Batman isn't my ideal at all. Batman could never date me. He's an unhealed cosplayer, taking justice into his own hands while blatantly ignoring all the other injustices of Gotham City. And Nothing will make me hate a guy faster than a guy who needs to have sex with a bunch of women to prove how cool he is. Batman to me is educational. That's it. Batman allows me to see what is going on in the minds of Edgelords. Otherwise he's just some guy.

This comic is why we should all stop worshiping billionaires, even fictional ones like Batman. They're all trash. They want you to think they're literally Batman, so you'll like them. But they are trash. What has a billionaire done for me lately? Nothing. I'm just as mid class as I ever have been. My credit debt remains undented. No philanthropy coming from above. And I'm not alone. So why are we worshipping these human parasites who are draining our resources and keeping us from having basic necessities such as housing or healthcare? Fuck them. They don't get my hero worship. I can never be a billionaire because I'm not a sociopathic, unethical shit monger.

That would be all my naysayers and haters. lol.

Anyway, fuck billioniares into space

Love, Joolz Classic: Donkey Kong Paddle

I guess on Fridays I’m either running classic strips or surf strips. So let’s start with both!

Look. I’m really passionate about surfing tips. I’m really passionate about helping people surf better because I benefitted from other people who thought the same way. I’ve effectively learned most of my surf game from tips on socials.

But yes, when you’re paddling it’s important to keep your paddling tight. Paddling with wild, flailing arms is not super productive. You’ll tire yourself out quickly. But this Donkey Kong paddle (my own name) is the way to tighten up your game so you two can go where you wanna go: the waves in the back of the line up.

In other words, really really far out there.

That’s all I got for now. Happy Friday!

Love, Joolz: Wicked Lady's Power

Okay, so I grew up on Sailor Moon. Granted I was a teenager and later an adult when I got into the Chibi-Usa storyline of her not having powers like her mom. Chibi-Usa is Sailor Moon's daughter from the future, but her whole thing is not having the same moon powers as her mom so she feels useless. Any capitalistic society is gonna have stories like that: child who can't live up to the parent's (capitalistic) potential.

I just thought it would be funny to riff on the fact that Chibi-Usa could have gotten her powers from her dad who is probably one of the most useless characters in the whole Sailor Moon series. Mamoru/Endymion/Darien generally doesn't do anything useful except kinda help out with bad guys sometimes. He also gets kidnapped a couple times in the series. He's...not a very useful guy. But what a coincidence his own daughter also lacks big abilities. Author Naoko Takeuchi doesn't seem to draw the parallel between Mamoru and Chibi-Usa, but that's exactly what I'm doing here. We all inherit stuff from our parents that don't always benefit us.

Look, my dad was kind of a terrorist. I can relate to inheriting my parents' bad qualities. This is supposed to be funny.

-Love, Joolz

Love, Joolz: New Year, New Me

Hilariously, the reason I was late in posting this was because I was working on my physical training.

had some feelings about the Tiktok censorship ban, and the subsequent lobotomy Tiktok had been given to make our incoming fascist administration more comfortable in pushing their propaganda to Gen Z. I had no choice but to leave the platform. The platform where I created some of my most interesting work. Am I mad? Yes. Do I want revenge? Sure.

But justice matters more.

If you want revenge, you better dig two graves. And what that saying means is that revenge comes with a far higher body count (pun intended) than anyone ever initially plans. Justice is more precise. If you take something from me, I will be compensated. If you hurt me, I will reflect your energy right back at you. Justice is about balance.

Obviously, this comic is a play on the phrase "Revenge body" based on someone getting really buff or toned after a break up. A body created to exact social justice is all about looking good, but for the greater good of society.

Can looking cuter than the Zucks or the Trumps of the world save the rest of us? I don't know. But all I know is that looking and feeling better than my enemies really really pisses them off. And that's good enough for me.

-Love, Joolz